i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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