Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
