i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
