We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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