dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
