ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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