I'm really into asian looking animals
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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