After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
