How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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