Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
