My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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