Soap is not a condiment
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
