Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
