You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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