I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
