porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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