just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
