Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
