In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
