You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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