Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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