he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
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But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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