So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
