smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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