She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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