yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
