we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
