he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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