Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
