So drunk its hurt
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
