I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im holly from the hills drunk
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
