At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
