Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
