He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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