You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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