ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
