My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
