I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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