The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
