My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
