Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
