It's Friday. Sex?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We left the knife in your bed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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