I just gift wrapped bread.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
