she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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