holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
