So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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