Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
