You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
