after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
