It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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