people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
