i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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