their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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