i just wanna soil my oats bro
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
