You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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