i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
