I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
