So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
