forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
