I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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