i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
