That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
