I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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