found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
