My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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