it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
