I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
