The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she looked like the before picture.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
