He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
