my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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