I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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