I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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