Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
