Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
