i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
