why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
