It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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