Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
