i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
