Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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